Flooding Near Our Home

This is Cypress Creek, about a quarter of a mile from our house. I've never seen the water this high, not even when hurricanes and tropical storms came through!

A park near our house

Flooding at one of the major intersections near our home. The creek is actually downhill from here! We've had a hell of a lot of water!

Grant Road near our house.

Floating Garden in my backyard

I have other pics, but these give a good idea of how much water and flooding we've had!

It's Raining Cats and Dogs Down Here!

Maxx snapped this picture of a soaking wet Puck this morning when he came in out of the rain!

We had some really strong storms come through yesterday afternoon that had possible tornadoes and brought flooding to Houston. The rain came down in sheets. Then, overnight, more rain came through and the storms were training. In our part of town we got about 11 inches in about three hours! They're telling us on the news that is about how much we got from Tropical Storm Alicia a few years ago. There is massive flooding in the west and north parts of Harris County. We live in NW Harris County in the suburbs.

No flooding at our house, other than my garden floating away. Luckily my beds are raised about 10 inches so they can drain some, but so much rain is not good.

Jaime says it's like God is taking a shower and forgot to turn the water off.

The local schools are closed and some businesses are closed. The bayous are flooded. Cypress Creek and Little Cypress Creek near our home are flooded. It's a real mess.

In other news, about the swine flu. I think Aiden may have had a very mild case. He woke up Friday morning vomiting and with diarrhea and a high fever (104) and a cough. Jaime took him to the emergency room and they gave him a shot of antibiotics and took X-rays. The X-rays showed that he had pneumonia. This was in about the same time frame that the government was hearing about the swine flu, so no one thought to do labs on him. But he had all the symptoms. He is doing much, much better today and was able to go back to preschool. Thank goodness Jaime acted quick and got him to the hospital immediately! When I called her Friday morning to let her know we had made it to our destination, Aiden had just got his shot from the doctor and he was mad at him and everyone else about it, so he wouldn't even talk to me on the phone! LOL

Click here for some good coverage: http://www.click2houston.com/index.html

Peace!

Amy

Raven

Apparently Raven is quite traumatized that Maxx and I left him and his housemate, Puck, for a few days. He will not leave my side today and has shadowed me since we got home. In the above picture he is laying on my side desk, within easy reach of me so he can extend his paws out to touch me from time to time.

When we came home yesterday, no sign of our furry friends. I noticed that the cat door was kind of stuck. I wonder how long they were unable to get in the house? They didn't show up until after we'd been home for a few hours and sure seemed glad to see us!

Monday Update

The vacation days away from home were really, really good for my soul! I am so glad Maxx and I took the time off and got away.

We left Thursday morning and arrived at the festival site (east of Austin, TX) around 1:00 p.m. The weather held and it was nice and warm with a breeze, which was good. We pulled the trailer out. We're starting to think that was not a good idea and that maybe next time we'll just take the tent and camp in a better location. I'll explain why in a bit.

Well, the festival site has a lot of loose sand and we promptly got the truck stuck in it trying to get the trailer parked. It took a lot of digging (thank goodness we took the shovels!) and, finally, Wulfie and his four wheel drive to get the truck out of the sand and the trailer backed into our campsite. We were worried about the sand in the campsite and getting out of it as well, but decided just to relax and enjoy and worry about that later. The next day a guy came in with a big truck and one of those really long RV/trailers and, without checking the dirt/sand/gravel road headed off into the trees and promptly sunk in the sand. It took two days to get the trailer out and even that took a wench attached to the front of his truck and literally dragging his trailer out.
We got our campsite set up, the firepit dug and just chilled for the rest of the day, enjoying just being away from the house, together and in the great outdoors.

The festival is very family oriented and there were loads of kids running all over the place. Our campsite was next to the kids playground area and near the front of the festival area. I think that, in the future, we'll take our tent and leave the trailer home so we can camp in the adults only area away from the traffic and the kids. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, but I have raised my family and don't particularly care to help other people take care of theirs (unless it's my grandkids). I'm really not into the whole "it takes a village" concept of raising children.

It was cloudy and windy all weekend and there were several storms, but otherwise the weather was mild and comfortable.

I love going to these events. I love the energy and the people. It's kind of like a Renaissance Festival without all the vendors and commercialism. Sure, a few vendors are there, but they are mostly locals trying to make ends meet. There was some great entertainment, as always. The drumming, the fire, and the people are really what make something like this work. You will find all kinds of people there in various forms of dress and it's just fun. It can be as spiritual as you want it or it can be a total party weekend. It's a good time to visit with old friends you haven't seen in a long time and to make new friends.

This year was strange because there were only a few people there that we knew. Most people just aren't wanting to travel so far now, especially with the economy being the way it is. Everyone is tightening their belts.

I went to the doctor this morning for my three-month diabetes check up. Glucose is up and so is my cholesterol. Both could be due to my quitting smoking and change in metabolism. I did change my cholesterol meds last month and it is a low dosage, so have to double that. Also adding more metformin to my diabetes meds. I already take a glyburide/metformin tablet twice a day. Hopefully this will help with the 17 pound weight gain since last September. My body is not metabolising what I put into it very well. I have not changed my diet or exericise regime. HOpefully this will help. Am having a hard time with sodium and so have had to cut back on salt in my food. No more chips or popcorn or just about anything else. This weekend I had some summer sausage and the next morning my ankles were very swollen. I have to control this with my diet. Doctor won't put me on Lasix or anything like that because my blood pressure is low normal range and lasix would lower my blood pressure too much.

Life is good and I feel pretty good.

But now the vacation is over and I have to get to work.

Peace!
Amy

Home Again!

Wow. What a weekend. We're home, sunburned and windburned, exhausted and dry. It's all good!

Beltane, the time when we celebrate the fertility of the earth, the return of plant life, the mating and birth of the creatures of the earth. The time when we celebrate the return of the sun and come out of the dark times.

I'll post some pictures of our campsite and maybe the Beltane fire.

The drumming was fabulous. The bands and entertainment were good but the weather pretty much sucked.

Am really proud of myself because even though almost everywhere I went this weekend people were smoking, I did not. I could have bummed from just about anyone there with no problem, but I did not!

Peace,
Amy

A Few Thoughts...

First off, it was one week ago today that I took my last puff on a cigarette. Nerves a little rattled from time to time, but so far so good! I'm really wanting a puff today due to some unsettling emails, but I'll survive.

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Some thoughts about what's happening in the political world:

About Rep. Jane Harman being wiretapped... I was thinking last night, isn't it illegal to wire tap a representative of our country? It sounded to me a whole lot like Watergate. Haven't heard anyone say anything about it, though.

About the Republican party... They seem to be in a political free fall/free for all with no end in sight. they will never go away, but I hope they get their shit together soon.

Former VP Cheney: The man just needs to go away. He is no longer relevent. Unless, of course, he really still is running the country and getting security briefings, etc., in which case, the joke is on all of us, the American people. Really, Sir, we are safer now than we were with you in power. At least I can sleep peacefully at night without worrying about my doors being busted in.

And for Mark S (you know who you are), you've been given a really, really raw deal. I see the mess you are in, at least in part. You know how to reach me.

peace,
Amy

The Drums Are Calling Me

The drums are calling me
The trees are calling me
The fire is calling me
Calling out to my soul, my heart
Come! Come! They tell me, come out to play with us!
Come dance to the drums around the fire
Come! Come! Come dance with us in the woods
Come! Come! Laugh with your brothers and your sisters as we commune with nature and worship in the old way!

This weekend I will be answering the call to set my spirit free, to reconnect with my inner child and to escape from the problems of my world, if only for a little while.
I will dance barefoot under the night sky to the drums around the fire
And give thanks for the blessings in my life
I will give thanks for the rain that has come that gives life to us

The drums are calling, calling, calling me!
The fire is calling, calling, calling me!
My woods and my phamily of choice are calling!

Soon! I'll be there soon!

NO ONE IS ABOVE THE LAW

We are a nation of laws and, in our country, no one is supposed to be above the law. If you act in an unlawful way, you will pay for whatever it is you have done.

Apparently this only applies to you and me. If you are in the upper eschelons of government the laws of this country do not apply to you. If you have tortured another human being, the law does not applied to you.

If you authorized that torture, you are above the law. If you lied to the people of your country and used your position of power to commit war crimes, you are above the law.

Seriously, Mr. President, I have given you a chance. I believed in you. I had the audacity to hope you would be different and see to it that those who broke the law would be held accountable for their actions. However, I am disappointed to see that the thought of our country being a nation of laws and no one being above the law holds only for the so-called little people. If you are in Washington DC, if you are connected to Washington DC, you ARE above the law.

A year ago my daughter was arrested for drunk driving on a country road in the middle of nowhere. There was no other traffic and she did not endanger another person. Now, I am not saying what she did was right, she should not have been driving. On the other hand, she felt she was running for her life because she and her roommate had gotten into a fight. The roommate tried to choke her to death and told her she was going to kill her. So my daughter packed up my sleeping grandson and ran for her life. She had no other choice at that point but to get away.

Since then she has been on probation and had her driver's licence suspended. She has paid thousands of dollars in fines and taken countless hours of classes plus her 80 hours of community service. She hurt no one. But she did break the law and willingly paid for what she did.

Those in our government who authorized the torture of other human beings will, it seems, never have to pay for their crimes, they will never be held accountable. What they did was much, much worse than what my daughter did.

I thought I had reason to hope. I guess I was wrong.

Amy

Living With An Artist

The Conoco Home Run Pump at Minute Maid Park in Houston, designed by my sweetheart.

You've all heard the phrase about the stereotypical "moody" artist. In the case of most of the really good artists I have met and know, this has certainly been true. In fact, it wasn't until after several years of studying the great masters of art that I was able to finally learn about and truly start to understand my own favorite artist, my beloved Maxx (not his real name, BTW, but the name I have always called him).

I remember the very first time I met Maxx. He was dressed to the hilt for the social dinner we met at. It was a casual dinner and location and, while he was dressed casually, he was dressed well and groomed well. That has always been an absolute necessity for Maxx. He loves clothes! I was impressed with his sense of style and continue to be impressed by it. That is an extension of his creative self. When he worked for a major corporation, he loved to dress in very nice suits and ties with really good, nice shoes. He is my favorite clothes shopping buddy because he even has a really good idea for women's fashion and style and is always honest and helpful when helping me pick clothes out. If it looks bad, he says so. If it looks good, he says so. I can count on an honest opinion.

Not long after I moved in with Maxx, I learned that his creativity and artistic expression extended into every aspect of his life. Sometimes it is a limiting factor because it can overwhelm him, causing him stress and anxiety because he cannot afford to purchase the materials he needs to do whatever project it is he wants to do. It is also frustrating for him because he has not, until recently, focused on creating art just as an expression of himself and for himself.

Like I said, his creativity and artistry extend into every aspect of his (and therefore, my) life. Whether it is cooking, yardwork, decorating our home, clothing or his cars, sex or a variety of other things, Maxx's creativity often takes front and center. Life with my artist is adventurous and rarely boring!

Maxx is an accomplished artist, having designed and oversaw the creation of Home Run Alley in Minute Maid Park in Houston where the Astros play along with the Conoco Home Run Pump and even some of the decor that was used throughout the park, including the plaques in the floor. He was an award-winning designer in advertising for many years and won many prestigous local awards.

About four or five years ago he did some really whacked out pastel pieces for an international oil company that were very much along the lines of Salvador Dali http://www.salvadordalimuseum.org/collection/collection_highlights.html that absolutely stunned and delighted me. Unfortunately, because of the agreement with the company, we have no images of those pieces that can be shown. I hope someday they resurface for the world to see because they were truly stunning!

Some of Maxx's art has been given as gifts to Emirs and Heads of State around the world as holiday gifts, designed for the companies he worked for.

I often think of our whole house as Maxx's studio and even his canvas. In our brightly painted and decorated kitchen he asked if he could pain an egg on the wall. I agreed and so Maxx set about painting a very Warholesque white and yellow fried egg on one whole wall of my kitchen! It has become a source of pride and conversation for our friends and family.

He wanted to paint the dining room in stripes of black and gray to match the glass table with the black and steel table legs and chairs. I agreed, rather dubiously. Again, I was very pleasantly surprised and pleased with not only the beauty of the room but also the elegance! The stripes are about 2-2 1/2 feet wide and wrap the room horizontally, all the way around. I was able to add a few of my own touches to the room.

In the living room, where we have a really tall, sloping ceiling, he wanted to paint a circle. I certainly had no objection, but I also didn't have the same picture in my mind as Maxx did. I thought the circles would be kind of like bubbles going up my wall. What he came up with is almost a 3D impressionistic three-quarter circle that takes up a large portion of the wall. It gives a different impression to everyone who looks at it. I think it looks like a faux sunrise. Friends tell me it looks like an archway to somewhere else.

I'll get some pictures together of the various permanent art in our home and post them later this week.

Maxx is a very talented woodworker and, according to my own opinion, a Master Craftsman. His father taught him the art of woodworking (building kitchens and furniture) beginning at a very young age and he does it very, very well. He can build anything out of wood. He loves working with it. When his youngest granddaughter, Logan, was on her way, he designed and built her an absolutely gorgeous heirloom quality cradle. He has a love of various kinds of wood and has created some gorgeous wood sculpture for friends and family as gifts over the years.

But, by far the one thing that inspires Maxx more than anything else is the human body and form. He has spent countless hours studying it in every position, style of dress (and undress) you can possibly imagine. He absolutely adores the feminine body and has done some gorgeous artwork. In fact, this is the kind of art that Maxx does just for Maxx. He also does body castings/scuptures and makes them as true to life as he possibly can. His clients have been very happy with what he creates out of their bodies (me included).

It is fun and always interesting living with an artist because I never know what his mind is thinking or what's going to be going on in my house! One morning, as I went upstairs to my desk to being my work day, Maxx had a client in the kitchen tied up on a stand and nude so he could get a mold of her body for a scupture that she wanted done. Yay! A paying customer! On another morning, a client came over to pose nude for pictures of a portrait she wanted done of herself (I helped some with that one).

Once, when we were moving, Maxx had to figure out a way to pack up the body sculptures he had been working on. They were too big to pack individually and whole. So, he figured out another avenue he could go with his art, broke out his hacksaw and took his sculptures apart. He then boxed them up very carefully in cardboard boxes full of bubble wrap and peanuts, then labeled the boxes "body parts" and "Renee's butt" or "so and so's breasts", etc. and we proceeded to load the boxes full of body parts into our Uhaul. I have always wondered if our neighbors saw the labels on those boxes and wondered what in the world was in them!

The thing is, an artists' mind does not work like the minds of most people's. I have wondered which came first, the creativity that makes the mind think differently, or is it the mind thinking differently that brings the creativity? It's one of those chicken and egg things, I think. Is it the moodiness of the artist that brings out the beauty or the beauty that creates the moodiness?

And yes, there is moodiness and anxiety and unrest. It is both a great challenge and a great reward to live with a highly creative person. I have learned to just get out of the way and let him do his thing, but also have to remind him that we don't live so-called "normal" lives. The neighbors would be appalled to know we had a nekkid woman tied up in our kitchen -- even if it was only for the sake of art!

I wouldn't have it any other way. I've also learned to get in touch with my own creative side, which has enabled me to do things I otherwise wouldn't not have tried, such as writing. Creativity feeds creativity. I enjoy being partner, co-conspirator, muse, observer, helper and manager to my very creative and inspiring husband and favorite artist. It truly can be a joy.

Peace,

Amy

Maxx's Art

One of Maxx's wood sculptures given as a gift to a family member. This piece reminds me of a waterfall. I think it's made of lacewood mahogany and possibly birch.

From a sketching session with a live model

Another sketching session with a live model done in his favorite stylistic way.

I don't know if this was from a sketching session or done from a photograph. Either way, I think it's marvelous!!

Maxx's latest finished piece, a body scupture made from the mold of a real, live person! LOL Yes, the nipples are pierced, in order to make it as close as possible to the body of the original model. This piece went home with its owners last week.

Week Two

One week ago today I slapped a nicotine patch on my arm and began pursuing my new reality of life without smoking. I had my last drag from a cigarette last Wednesday.

So, I was doing some math this morning. A pack of cigarettes is up to $5.50 at my local corner store. At $5.50 a pack times seven days, I have saved about $38.50. On the other hand, I spent $31.50 for the nicotine patches to help me quit, so in reality I have only saved about $7. That's okay, though, because I know that in the long run, when I have worked through the first couple of months and weaned myself off the patches, I'll start saving some real money.

Actually, I can start doing that right now. When I was at Costco yesterday I took at look at the patches they have. As it turns out, they have the same brand I am using there but you have to buy a three-week supply all at once. The price is about $55, which is almost half what I would pay if I went to the store every week to buy the patches one week at a time (the cost doing it that way is about $94.50. That's quite a savings! I didn't have the extra money this week to buy the three week supply, but next week when I get paid I'll be heading to Costco to get it!

In the meantime, I'm feeling a whole lot better. The weekend was hard, but I muddled through and did not give in to the temptation! I'm pretty proud of myself.

I'm going to keep on keeping on with this. Every day I feel stronger and more able. I've bought some really good smelling body washes to help me feel good and I like not smelling cigarettes in my hair and on my clothes. It really is a good feeling!

Peace,

Amy

Homes For Our Troops

Helping a local boy, PO2 Anthony Thompson, Houston, TX

Naval Petty Officer Anthony Thompson was on his second deployment to Iraq with the 2nd Battalion, 7th Marines Fox Company 3rd Platoon near Fallujah, when a suicide bomber detonated an explosive under an overpass where Thompson and his Marines had taken up post on April 20, 2007. During recovery efforts Anthony was found unresponsive on a pile of concrete rubble.

After being transported to three separate Battalion Aid Stations, Petty Officer Thompson was finally stabilized for transport to Landstuhl, Germany. As a result of the blast he suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury, an incomplete spinal cord injury and a punctured right lung. Eventually Anthony was airlifted to the James A. Haley VA in Tampa, which specializes in brain and spinal cord injuries; he remains there today.

Before his traumatic experience, Anthony enjoyed playing and watching football and baseball, bowling, going to the movies, and listening to music. His son, AJ, was born after his injuries. His wife, Ivonne believes that Anthony knows the support that surrounds them. She says that having a home that the family can come home to together will be a dream come true.

Please consider donating supplies or labor or making a monetary donation!

Join us for the Registration Day Event!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Four Points by Sheraton Houston

Registration between 1:00pm-8:00pm,

presentation at 6:30pm2828

Southwest FreewayHouston, TX 77098p.

713-942-2111

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Friends, I was contacted by Anthony's mother, Sheila, via my email this morning and she asks for help for her son. Please do what you can, if anything. Also, Sheila sent me other links to articles about her son, if you would like more information.

If you click on the title to this blog, it will take you directly to the Homes For Troops website from which the above was copied.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/side2/4942142.html
www.homesforourtroops.org/thompson
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/anthonythompson

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/dmn/stories/121607dntexmorante.563b46.html
http://www.dallasnews.com/s/dws/photography/2007/marine/
http://www.tampabay.com/news/military/veterans/article757765.ece
http://www2.tbo.com/content/2008/aug/04/severely-wounded-corpsmans-wife-son-present-promot/
http://www.corpsman.com/tag/hm2-anthony-thompson/
http://www.rallycongress.com/veteranhealthcare/996/
http://www.galenaparkisd.com/pressrelease/archives_07/feb_25_2008_injuredvet.htm (Not given to Anthony)

Peace,

Amy

Day Six

At least I think it's Day Six since I decided to quit smoking. If I count the days since then on my hand, today is Day Six. And yes, I'm down to counting on my fingers because the gray matter in my brain is not quite as functional as it normally is. The good news is that the fog is starting to clear up!

This week I have been keeping a journal of my progress in beating this demon of smoking cigarettes, a habit/addiction I have had for about 17 years. When I look back, it doesn't seem like so long. Where did all those years go?

It's been a tough, long week, but not nearly as tough as quitting has been for me in the past. Something is different this time, though I cannot quite put my finger on what the difference is. I didn't spend weeks ahead of time deciding on a game plan to quit, as I have normally done. I didn't decide on a "quit" day. In the past, those kinds of things created anxiety and even a general sense of panic. I just decided one day, when I bought the last carton of Winston Ultralight 100's that it would be my last carton. When I got down to the last pack, I decided that was just it.

Maybe it was the years of depression and anger at myself for not being able to quit. Maybe it was the years of holding myself back from my husband, who is allergic to cigarettes, and I did not want to expose him to my smoking. I rarely smoked around him. I did not smoke in my home, only in my car when driving by myself or when I was outside. Maybe it was the frustration I felt at myself because I could not focus on anything more than an hour at a time before I had to take a break and get outside to my addiction. Or maybe it was just the anger seething deep inside at a former partner who encouraged me, manipulated me to start smoking when I knew better. To finally quit is to finally cut a deep, long held and strong tie to that partner that I no longer want in my life.

Yesterday I unexpected found myself grinning ear to ear for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I was just smiling when I was working. I felt calm mixed with anxiety, yet more peaceful than I have felt in quite sometime. With that came a sense of accomplishment that, even though I wanted a cigarette and could imagine having one, I did not act on the urge and did not go to the store to buy a pack. At this point, I am not sure that I could resist the temptation if someone were to offer me a cigarette. With time I am sure that I will grow stronger and get beyond that.

Last night I had a very vivid dream of a past love who has, in his own way, continued to pursue me and declare his feelings. In the dream, I caressed his face and told him "We were good together once, a long time ago. But that time is passed and I no longer love you". Then I turned and walked away. Closure? At long last? I truly hope so.

Yesterday I passed a major test of my self will. I did have a minor crisis to deal with and I dealt with it. Normally I would turn to a cigarette to assuage my anxiety, but this time I did not. I dealt with the problem and then I moved on. I wanted that cigarette, but I did my best to put it out of my mind.

This weekend I am doing my best to keep my mind and my hands busy. I bought a new book, Dan Brown's Angels & Demons and started reading it last night. Now, I do not just read books, I devour them. I sat up and read until the wee hours of the morning, then picked it up again this morning almost as soon as I got out of bed. Even with my reading glasses, though, the many hours of reading have taken their toll and my vision is blurry at the moment. I really need to go to the eye doctor. Add that to my list. Week after next are scheduled trips to the endocrinologist and determatologist.

Anyway, back to my plans for the weekend. Maxx finished the sculpture he was working on in the dining room and cleaned up so now I can spread my quilting stuff and sewing machine out on the dining room table and get started on Sean's quilt. I have two to do, but the other one is just going to get a ribbon around the edges of it because it is just a really soft, huggy fabric that needs no other embellishment.

The storms continue to pound Houston today. As I sit her typing, I can hear the rain pouring down monsoon fashion (I am not exaggerating), hear the thunder and, occasionally see flashes of lightning. The electricity just flashed off then back on again. Good thing computer and modem are on batter backup!

So, I'd better sign off for now. Thank you everyone for your support and well wishes this week. It has really helped a lot.

Peace,
Amy

Rainy Day

Views out my front door just a few minutes ago. It's 3:29 p.m. and dark as heck out there. A major storm is moving through Houston. The wind just started and there are lightening flashes every two or three minuts. Yuck.

I don't feel as bad as the weather looks, though. In fact, I keep finding myself grinning for absolutely no reason at all! Wow.

Peace,
Amy

Dream a Dream

See Susan Boyle sing on Britains Got Talent...

http://www.popeater.com/television/article/susan-boyles-britains-got-talent/426649?icid=main|htmlws-main|dl2|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.popeater.com%2Ftelevision%2Farticle%2Fsusan-boyles-britains-got-talent%2F426649

Three cheers for the underdog! Go Susan!!!

Day Five

First off, thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of me as I try to break my addiction. It's not the hardest thing I've ever done by any means, but it's been pretty tough. You support is so important to me and I appreciate it more than I can say.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty good, actually. I got up after tossing and turning in bed for a while and catnapping the last couple of hours, went straight to the bathroom and applied my patch so there would not be a repeat of yesterday's tearfulness. That was NOT FUN. Seriously, I am not and have never been a very moody person and when I get that way for whatever reason it irritates me.

However, I am a bit off kilter emotionally this week and my system is all out of whack. I'm trying to be kind to myself and let things slide when I can until I get through the worst of all of this quitting smoking thing. Last night I showered and used my favorite body wash then just stood in the shower and let the hot water flow over me. I know, it's a waste of water, but I needed to feel good. Maxx took me out to dinner to celebrate his newest piece of art going home with its owner, so I treated myself to fettucine. YUM!

Yesterday Penny and I were talking about how scary it is to quit and how, just the thought of not having cigarettes around is enough to send us into a panic. She smoked up to over a pack a day and is trying accupuncture. She's managed to get down to about 5 smokes a day now. I think she's doing great, but she doesn't feel she's doing good enough. So, Penny, my dear, give yourself a bit of a break and recognize what you have done. You're doing great!

I think that, in the next couple of days, I'm going to write something up about being married to an artist and what that's like. It makes life interesting, always and in ways you might not even think of. I may even put some pics up of his latest couple of pieces to share.

Also, I'm still watching what's going on in DC and around the world. I had a pretty good discussion yesterday with a friend over on Flickr who went to the tea party here in Houston. What I found really good was that we disagree wholeheartedly on a variety of things, but there are a whole lot of things we have in common as well.

Here's a shout out to the people on Flickr who have checked out my blog! HELLO! If you like what I have to say, drop me a line. If you disagree with me, let's talk about it, I'd like to hear what you have to say!

Peace,
Amy

Evening Update

So I've made it through the first 24+ hours without a cigarette. Not so sure that if someone offered me one at this point that I'd be able to turn it down. I want one, but the feeling isn't overwhelming.

My brain is tired and I'm not concentrating very well. And, while I have always had problems with cognition of varying degrees, today seems a bit more challenging than normal. I'm a little slower with my typing, which means I got less work done than I normally do. And I'm making more mistakes when I am typing, so spending more time correcting myself.

This, too, will pass. Or so I'm told.

Am in a better mood now than I was when the day started.

Next week Maxx and I are going on a four day weekend. I'm looking forward the change in scenery and the days off.

Latest news for the Grandbaby watch: Jaime is being induced on June 4. Mark is scheduled to be home on leave a couple of days before that, so he can be here for the birth. Gramma and Papa (that's me and Maxx) will be putting in a couple of days of quality time with Aiden while his Mom is in the hospital. I can hardly wait to meet my new grandson!

I'd better get started on that baby quilt or Sean will be here before it's done!

Peace,
Amy

Day Four

It's been 24 hours since I had my last cigarette. Other than some anxiety yesterday, I did pretty good. You're supposed to be able to wear these patches for 24 hours, but I don't. I didn't smoke 24 hours a day! Also, the last time I tried to wear a nicotine patch for 24 hours I had the craziest vivid dreams where I knew I was dreaming at certain points because I would do really crazy things that I normally wouldn't do. So I'd wake up just enough to realize I was dreaming and needed to take my patch off. In my dream I would take the patch off and my conscious would be certain I had taken it off, but I started doing strange things again.

Anyway, no patch at night when I need to rest. I have a hard enough time with sleep as it is.

I woke up this morning weepy. Maxx tried to have a conversation with me, but I was not capable of conversation or rational thought of any sort. Jaime called, but I couldn't really talk to her without bursting into tears. Yeah, it was pretty bad. It took about 30-45 minutes for the patch to kick in once I put it on but I'm feeling better now.

The thing is, I didn't really even want to have a cigarette. I was more irritated at myself for feeling the way I did and for even being in this position in the first place. I did not smoke until I was about 30 years old. I hated cigarettes before then. Both my parents smoked my whole life (up until that point) and I always hated the smell, the smoke and everything else about it. I'm not going to into why I did start smoking. What I will say is that I wish I had been strong enough at that point in my life to resist the pressure I was put through when I started.

Peace!
Amy

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UPDATE
After work last night I went to the pharmacy to pick up a refill prescription. While there, I thought I'd pick up several packs of my favorite gum to chew on while I'm going through this process of quitting smoking. The only kind of gum they had in the brand I like was all sugarless. Okay, not such a bad thing except that I can't stand the aftertaste. So I bought several packs of another kind of gum, got my meds and came home.

Once I got home, I opened the gum and popped a stick in my mouth. It came out almost immediately. After just a few chews it started to just disintegrate in my mouth and would not firm up to a chewable state. I was so upset.

Maxx came home from work a little while later to find me irritable about the gum. When I told him what happened, he walked out to his truck and came back inside, handing me the last pack of his gum that he keeps in his truck to chew on when he is tired. I was almost in tears when he did this.

Okay, so I am a puddle of emotion right now. So am going to go outside and chew a piece of gum in the fresh air!

It's Happening...

It all started a couple of months ago, I think. Actually, it crept up on me in the night. It didn't happen every night, but every once in a while I would wake up in the morning and realize it had happened... again.

Then it started happening in the day, at odd times. I could just be sitting down, working and it would happen. It would happen while eating or at while I was doing chores. One day, it happen so many times, I actually pulled out the thermometer and took my temperature. I did have a very low-grade temp, but it would go down after awhile, then up again and down again.

What, you might ask, am I talking about? Well, if you are a woman of a certain age, you probably already know... I'm talking about hot flashes. The kind of thing that makes you hot when it's actually quite cool and comfortable to everyone else, the kind of thing that wakes you in the middle of the night, your bed and hair soaked in sweat.

I had wondered for years how I would know when I hit menopause because I had a hysterectomy when I was 25 or 26, when my youngest child was still little more than a baby. The doctor left my ovaries for me so I wouldn't have to go on hormone replacement therapy. That was probably the kindest thing he could have done. But I haven't menstruated in almost 20 years, so how would I know?

Silly me... I had been warned about the hot flashes. My hair stylist/friend, Hoot, warned me. My sister/friend Sooz warned me.

Last night, while cooking dinner and standing in the kitchen talking to my dear husband, another one hit out of nowhere. I had to end the conversation right then and there and go find a hand-held fan, the old fashioned kind that you wave yourself. I'm going to have to stock up on those things. I went scuttling out of the room midconversation mumbling to him as I went "hot flash, fan"...

So, on top of trying to quit smoking and the grouchiness that comes with that, I am contending with hot flashes. Yeah, just what I need right now. Thank you, Mother Nature!

Yeah, it's happening to me. I am now officially entering that stage of my life known as Crone.

Peace,
Amy

P.S. Day Three on the patch. A little harder today because I don't feel well. I woke up with a sore throat and my right ear hurts so am feeling a bit grouchy. I did have two this morning, but they're all gone now and I don't plan on buying anymore. I found an unexpected source of support in my daughter, Jaime, who is encouraging me every day. Other unexpected support from my friend, Penny, who reads my blog and tells me she is quitting, too. Go Penny! And thank you, Penny and Jaime. And to Carol, who has checked in every day this week to add her support. You know I need all I can get!

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6:58 P.M. Update.
Am having some anxiety this afternoon. It was hard to work, which is bad because I don't get paid by the hour or salary. I get paid for how much work actually gets done. That adds to the anxiety. Jaime assures me that this, too, will pass.

A Shout Out to Friends in Chicago!

If any of you are in Chicago and have leads on jobs, please let me know. My daughter recently moved there to go to school and has not been able to find a job. Her rent is due in a couple of weeks and our family does not have the resources right now to help her out.

If you can help, drop me a line at amybranham@comcast.net.

Thanks!
Amy

Day 2

Yesterday didn't go as well as I had hoped. I used some old nicotine patches that, while the expiration date was still well within the time that they should have been good, they didn't work as good as they should have. They've been in my bathroom drawer for awhile, still in their wrappers and all, but still, they are not new and fresh and so may have lost some of their original strength.

However, there was progress on my part. The urges weren't as strong as they normally are and I did not smoke nearly as much as I normally do. I even managed to get through dinner last night with our friends, Vic & Carol, without feeling edgy and irritable. That was a good thing!

This morning I went out and bought some new patches. The new ones are clear and I can tell they are working because my arm itches where the patch is! One definite benefit is that they were also quite a bit cheaper than a carton of cigarettes!

I do have to keep a closer eye on my blood glucose while I'm doing this. It seemed yesterday that it was higher than I am comfortable with, especially during the first couple of hours after putting the patch on. That makes me very tired and sluggish.

Peace,
Amy

Tea Bagging

So, you've heard about the political act of tea bagging going on to protest taxes, right? Protests are being planned around the country for this week.

Just for giggles, though, you might want to check out the definition in the urban dictionary. (warning, explicit content)

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=tea+bagging

So, the planners of these things might want to do a google search before they plan on a name for their next event!

Yeah, so, now I'm going to pick myself up off the floor, quit laughing and try and get some work done!

Peace,
Amy

Munday, Munday

So, I found this dead spider in my backyard yesterday! ICK! Anyone know what kind it is? I thought it was a tarantula, but it's not hairy enough, I don't think.

I went over to my daughter's house yesterday for Easter since Maxx was down in bed with a major migraine for the entire weekend. We had fun. This is Aiden showing off his pirate garb.

And, finally, today is Day One of trying to quit smoking (for about the fiftieth time). I've had good results with the patch in the past, so am trying it again. Last year I tried Chantix and was quite happy with the results, other than the extreme pain in my back that, on a scale of 1-10, was about a 9. I couldn't handle the pain anymore because it never let up. My back is better now, but I still have problems with it sometimes.

Anyway, wish me luck! I need all the support I can possibly get!

Happy Easter

The War Is Not A Game -- by Military Families Speak Out

Nationwide -- Members of Gold Star Families Speaks Out (GSFSO), family members of those killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, are expressing outrage at two companies that plan to release a video game that graphically recreates one of the Iraq war's bloodiest battles.

Atomic Games and Konami plan to release "Six Days in Fallujah" next year. The game is based on videos, photographs, and diary entries from veterans of a battle that claimed the lives of 38 U.S. troops and an estimated 1,500 Iraqis between November 7 and December 23, 2004. Discussing the game, Atomic Games President, Peter Tamte recently told a reporter that “For us, the challenge was how to present the horrors of war in a game that is entertaining, but also gives people insight into a historical situation in a way that only a video game can provide”

In a statement released Wednesday, Gold Star Families Speak Out said:

"Gold Star families continue to live with the horrors of war every day as we mourn the loss of our loved ones. We question how anyone can trivialize a war that continues to kill and maim members of the military and Iraqi civilians to this day.

"The war is not a game and neither was the Battle of Fallujah. For Konami and Atomic Games to minimize the reality of an ongoing war and at the same time profit off the deaths of people close to us by making it 'entertaining' is despicable."

"Just as Sony abandoned plans to launch a video game called Shock & Awe in 2003, Konami Atomic games should cancel their plans to release 'Six Days in Fallujah' before they instill more thoughtless pain on anyone"

GSFSO member Joanna Polisena, sister of Army Staff Sergeant Edward Carman, Killed in Action in Iraq on April 17, 2004 added “When our loved one's 'health meter' dropped to '0', they didn't get to 'retry' the mission. When they took a bullet, they didn't just get to pick up a health pack and keep 'playing'...they suffered, they cried, they died. We - their parents, siblings, spouses, children and friends - absolutely find it disgusting and repulsive that those so far detached (and clinging to denial of reality) find it so easy to poke fun at such a thing.”

Joan Maymi, whose nephew, Captain Ernesto Manuel Blanco-Caldas, was Killed in Action in Iraq on December 28, 2003 said, “Unless you have suffered the death of loved one like we have, or are caring for the ones who have returned wounded, either physically or psychologically, our country has removed the immediacy of this war from their daily lives. To trivialize it in a video game and continue to desensitize our society from the scope of violence war entails goes beyond words."

Members of Gold Star Families Speak Out are available for interview.

Gold Star Families Speak Out, a national chapter of Military Families Speak Out, includes families whose loved ones have died as a result of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Military Families Speak Out is an organization of people opposed to the war in Iraq who have relatives or loved ones who are currently in the military or who have served in the military since the buildup to the Iraq war in the fall of 2002. Formed by two families in November of 2002, MFSO now has over 4,000 member families.

Seriously...

Recently I had a lengthy email discussion with a really whacked out religous zealot who told me that I'm going to go to burn in hell because I don't believe in his God, while he will be going to heaven simply because he reads the Bible.

Seriously, he called me a godless creature...

I told him that if heaven was going to be full of people like him, I'd rather take my chances in hell. That lit him up like a firecracker!

Rarely do I run into people like this person, but every now and then, because of my writing and, more specifically these days, my work now and then writing for a veteran's magazine, I hear from some really whacked out people. I try to give them a break because, a lot of the time, they have lost hope and are filled with dispair. They have to have something to believe in and if their religion helps them get through the day, I'm all for it.

It's when they start doing what it supposed to be their God's job -- judging me -- that I get a little irritated. They don't know me at all, they don't know what I do in my life and the kind of person I am.

It's just plain irritating...

But, beyond the irritation, I have to wonder about these people who do not seem to care what kind of lives the rest of us lead. Most of us are good, caring, kind people who follow the laws of the land, raise our families, pay our taxes, and live the best lives we possibly can. We are hurting no one. We just don't believe in the same God they do or, sometimes, we believe in no God at all.

For some of us (me included), who have been interested in the history of religion, we have learned that what others believe as the Word of God as written in the Bible is not literally the word of any God, but rather, man, and cannot follow those teachings literally.

I'm really beginning to think some of these people are dangerous to me, themselves and society. Seriously. And it worries me. They are not the least bit rational. It does not help that there are those personalities on the radio and TV who are fanning the flames of irrationality in these zealots.

For the record, I am not "Godless". I believe in God. But I believe in the goodness of God , the kindness and the love, not the anger, hatred, jealous and vindictive God that so many in this world believe in. That God, I want nothing to do with. The God I was taught to believe in wanted me to have joy in my life and to be happy, not full of self-loathing and fear.

Just my thoughts for the day...

Peace,
Amy

Witness

And now, finally, after all these years, our nation can bear witness and help the families of the fallen warriors mourn their losses. We can see the human cost of war, which we have been protected from for so long.

We should honor these sons and daughters when their bodies are returned home. We should remember them.

I was impressed (once again) by the care, love and respect shown to the body of Air Force Staff Sargeant Phillip Meyers by those who moved his remains when they returned. I hope that our nation will do the same.

I received two documents in my email this morning from Blue Star Families for Obama, which worked directly with Michelle and Barack, do make this happen. If you are interested in reading these documents, contact me directly and I can email them to you. amybranham@comcast.net

As for Sgt. Meyers' family -- my heart is with you during this difficult time. Thank you for allowing our country to share your grief.

Peace,

Amy

Galveston Post Ike

Most of the stores are empty or boarded up. There are some that are open and more are opening every day. The whole Strand, which is the tourist part of town where you go shopping, was under water.

I don't know how many feet this was, but it was nice of these people to let us know how high the water got!

Joe's Crab Shack on the pier. It's open, though!

An old pier that bit the dust during Ike.

Flagship Hotel, sitting on a pier in Galveston. The hotel is there, but the pier out past it is pretty much in ruins. This is a small part of the damage to the hotel.

Post Hurricane Ike Pics

First stop on Boliver -- an old WWII Army bunker. You couldn't see it from the road before Ike.
Rebuilding in Galveston

Devastation on Bolivar

Part of someone's life swept up on the beach

There were endless piles of debris like this everywhere on the peninsula! We saw mattress in the sand, hanging in trees, over fences. I saw a couch sitting in the middle of what used to be a field of some sort. Where houses used to be is now only a concrete slab and, sometimes, the pilons they sat on.

More Post Ike Pics

There isn't much here anymore except sand, trash and palm trees where houses used to be. I'm not positive, but I think this is what used to be the town of Gilcrist.
This is a store that is still open. Only part of it got blown apart and flooded. The other side is undamaged.

There used to be a house on these stilts!

Nothing left...

There were, at this time last year, several businesses and homes here. The isn't much left now...

Trust Me

Just trust me, blindly and without question to guide you, to lead you, to know what God wants for you. I know what's best for you, what you need.

I grew up in Utah and Idaho where the LDS church is very prevalent. I am the descendant of many who crossed the plains with Brigham Young and settled in the Salt Lake Valley way back when. There is hardly a place I can go in Northern Utah and Southern Idaho where one doesn't see or find some remnant of my family's having settled there in the early days of covered wagons and oxen. I was raised in the LDS church -- at least during the years I lived with my dad and his wife in Utah. The other years I lived with my nonmember mother and her husband in southern Idaho. So I had a pretty good cross-section of what both lives could be for me growing up.

As a young teenager and as a young adult, through my 20's at least, I chose to be an active member of the LDS church. I married the first time in the Salt Lake City temple and stayed with that husband for 20 years and gave birth to three children.

I was very active in the church and attended the temple weekly, held positions within the church, paid my full tithes of 10% and did all the things a good Mormon wife would do, including following the counsel of my husband, the priesthood holder and Patriarch of my home.

Eventually, though, I became disillusioned and left the church. My husband and I divorced and we went our separate ways. A few years ago I even went so far as to tell the Church to remove my name from the membership rolls.

Why am I thinking about this today? Well, from time to time things come up that remind me of my roots and I need to know why I respond to things the way I do.

For instance, I attended a sacred service put on by a group of friends who belong to a "religion" (I say this loosely because it is not really a religion, but goes back several decades and is not Christian) who used much the same ritual as I experienced in the LDS temple. This really freaked me out at the time and I wanted to run out of the building as quickly as I could. As a result, I had to do some research to learn where those rituals came from, what they meant (because at the time I was attending the temple, I had no clue, even though I had done so for years) and why it had such a deep impact on my psyche.

Sometimes I find myself falling back into the role of a submissive woman, wanting to be lead instead of being a partner to my husband, wanting him to make the decisions and take care of me. I don't like that feeling and neither does my husband. So, even after all these years of being in recovery, I have to work through that. For me, part of doing so is understanding where that tendency comes from. I have found it comes directly from the teachings I received in the young women's organizations and in Relief Society in the Church. Now, that is not to say that all women in the LDS church are submissive and not strong and independent women -- many of them are. But that is not taught nor encouraged. We were raised to marry young and have many babies -- which is just about the only value placed on women.

Other times I find myself holding back emotionally and mentally. I find this very frustrating. i was born with certain "gifts", one of which I can only described as knowing. I just know things sometimes that I have had no prior experience with, but when I come across something new, I have this feeling of having known it before, done it before. As a young woman, I was told this was evil because only Priesthood holders could do this. It was because I was a woman.

This week I ran into another person who is experiencing much the same things as I am and I guess that's what brought all of this up. I wil not degrade publically the church that my family and my ancestors put so much of themselves into and sacrificed so much for through many generations. I respect them and their lives too much for that. But I do not believe in it and it is not the right path for me.

Peace,
Amy

To A Very Old Friend

Congratulations on your big accomplishment. I'm proud of you!

For Penny and Her Family.

Penny and her family are going to court today to sit and listen to the evidence against the driver of a truck that hit and killed Penny's son earlier this year. I don't care to go into the details of the story because I know Penny reads my blog from time to time and I don't want to cause her any more heartache than she is already experiencing -- which is great.

Penny's son left behind three young children.

The charges against the young driver are felony charges -- I don't know what exactly. This is a pretrial of sorts to show there is evidence to bring these charges against him.

For Penny and for her family who are so far away and I cannot be there, know that I love you and my heart is with you this day as you have to relive the most horrible moment of your life.

The April Fool

Today is the day every year I remember Granny -- my favorite April Fool. She would have told you that she was an April fool and was damn proud of it! You see, her birthday was April 1!

Granny was my stepdad's mother. She was one of those women who lived her life by her own rules and was quite a character. You never knew what to expect from Gran. One day she showed up at our house in purple crushed velvet hip hugger pants, a long sleeved white blouse full of ruffles and her favorite Chrystal Gale (sp?) long curly wig on. Oh, and let's not forget the high heels she always wore and her "fuck me red" nails. She was a drunk and the life of every party she ever went to.

Gran was also this little girl's best friend in the whole world. When I'd spend the night with her, we'd go through her jewelry box and she promised me her jewelry when she died. Later, she promised the same to all of her granddaughters. When she passed to the Summerlands, her sons and daughters gathered up all her jewelry and split it between the granddaughters.I got one of her cute little silver diamond rings. That ring now is on the hand of my daughter, Jaime. I gave it to Mark on their wedding day to give to Jaime because they didn't have money for wedding rings.

To remember Granny, I have always worn my toenails the brightest "fuck me red" nail polish I could find.

She's been gone for a long time now and I still miss her.

NOTE: Time changes our memories of things, people and places. I just realized that I misquoted Granny when she described the color of red she used on her nails. It was "slut red" not "fuck me red". Sorry about that!

peace!
Amy